Air Etiquette:

* Don't Kick the Seat in Front of You... Just think about it for a second - the tray table and magazine pocket in front of you are connected to the seat in front of you, which on today's crowded flights typically have someone sitting in them. Please don't slam the tray when you're storing it, or push on the seat, and try not to use the seat as a hand hold, unless you really have to. Do you know what it's like when someone leans violently on your seat while you're asleep?
And parents, please don't let your kids kick the seat in front of them.

* Can't You Stay Off Your Cell Phone for 5 Minutes? Why oh why did the airlines cave into allowing cell phone use while on the tarmac? And why is it always the loudest, most obnoxious people who are the last to turn their phone off before departing and the first to jump on after landing? We can hear you, so can the folks 10 rows up; we don't need to hear you tell your wife/husband/friend/whoever that you just landed. Whatever you have to say is never so important, it can't wait a few minutes. We can hear your damn loud phone when it powers up, rings and gets voicemail notifications. Short of a NYC subway car, you're in one of the most crowded places that people have to get into it. Lay off the cell phone, please.

* Learn Some Disembarking Patience... When the plane lands and that seatbelt sign goes off, do you really believe that if you're in row 25 and immediately jump up, grab your bag (almost hit others in the head with it), and stand in the aisle that you're going to be any quicker out the door? Do you? Really? I can't tell you how many times I've been shoved and pushed and hit with bags. Patience people. You're not getting out of there any faster. Time it sometime. You will all be a lot less stressed if you sat patiently and waited until you could go.

* Leave Some Breathing Room in the Lines... If you stood just 1 ft further away from the person in front of you, no one is going to somehow slip in ahead of you. That 1 ft of room will make the fellow in front of you a lot less tense. It's a natural thing. On a related note, especially in today's security-obsessed travelling environment, just give the person ahead of you a minute to take their shoes, belts and coats off and get their stuff onto the conveyor belt before you jump the gun and push your stuff on there. Just wait a few seconds. It's not going to make you any later.

* Slow on the Recline... You don't absolutely need to recline the second you can. And do it slowly. Take a look at the tray table in front of you. Well, the guy behind you has one too and it's connected to your seat! Do you know what happens when you slam your seat back and they've got a laptop sitting on the tray table? Sure, laptops are small, but you still only have inches of room in a typical seat in coach.

* Know What ID You Need When... No need to shove or push in the lines, but take a minute to ensure you have the various forms of identification that you need. Typically, it's a driver's license or passport and definitely your boarding pass. A lot of security checkpoints also require at least one, if not both of those (boarding pass and picture ID). Please don't get into a line and then fumble for that stuff when asked.

* Be a Boy Scout - Prepared... Don't wait until the last second (just before the X-Ray machine) to take off your belt/shoes when going through security checkpoint line.

* Use Your Indoor Voice on the Plane... The subject pretty much says it all. This is especially true for you folks on phones that believe you need to help the phone company convey your voice by shouting. You DON'T! And that brings us to the next point...

* Use Headphones with your Portable DVD Player... No one wants to hear your damn movie (Ok, most don't). And we're not even considering the fact that others may find your movies objectionable. Before you argue the point, they didn't pay to fly across the country *and* listen to your crap.

* Not in a Hurry? Step to the Side... Are you so early, that walking in the terminal is like a lazy Sunday drive in the country? You're one of the few; most of us are late as hell and are in a rush. Walk on the sides, so you don't get in the way. Please.

* Got Smelly Feet? Leave Your Shoes ON... Again, the subject says it all. Be courteous. Don't assault us.

* TSA: Send Your Employees to Customer Service School... My god, how in the hell did we go from less to supposedly more security, but less customer service? No, not less, practically none. So many of the TSA employees are just downright rude. Ok, to those of you are still human, you know who you are and this isn't directed at you.

* Airlines: Be Honest... Don't tell us that we're only delayed 5 minutes when the plane isn't even at the gate yet or it's at the gate, hasn't been cleaned and no one has boarded yet. C'mon - we're not all stupid. People appreciate honesty.

* To Pilots: Don't be a Tour Guide... We appreciate you know where you're going. Really, we do. But, flying is bad enough without the constant updates as to where we are, coming over the typically ridiculously loud PA system. Remember, you have a plane full of very tired people who had to get a 5 hours headstart just to get on in time, unlike *you*! Many of them want to sleep. If we wanted a tour, we would have gone on a special tour.

* Airlines/Pilots: Why is it Freezing on the Plane? Do we need air conditioning when it's already freaking freezing outside? And we already know very well that there's heat, so don't tell us you can't make it comfortable.

* Flight Attendants: Curb the Seatbelt Checking... We appreciate your checking our seatbelts, but are you really going to be successful treating a plane full of adults like 3rd graders? Nope - not gonna happen. BTW, if you turned down the damn AC, we wouldn't have to use the blankets, would we? PS> Lockheed, Boeing, et al. - we got some folks in Detroit that you can talk to about including seat belt detectors.

* Let me Sleep, Please... Dude, we don't want to talk; we want to sleep; we *need* to sleep. Watch the movie instead.

* Flight Attendants: Play the Movie First... Don't play the other sitcoms, etc. first. It sucks when the movie gets cut off just before the plane lands.

* Airlines: Upgrade Your Upgrade Rules... Why is it that upgrades have to go last, and end up losing their potential overhead space, particularly if they are being upgraded to business or first class? Kinda partially defeats the purpose, doesn't it? How about you make the upgrade time 30 minutes before take off, and before boarding time. Tough luck to no-shows.